What Love is and is not

I wish I could take credit for this bit of wisdom, because it really is some of the best advice I have ever seen about love.  It came along to me from a friend of a friend.  Take it to heart.

Signs Of True And Fake Love

1. True Love is always open and honest, even when upset, fake love plays games, hides their feelings and tries to manipulate the emotions of others to gain the upper hand.
2. True Love is self-sacrificing, fake love only wants what it wants
3. True Love gives from the heart, fake love gives because it wants something in return
4. True Love forgives, fake love seeks vengeance
5. True Love appreciates you for who you are, fake love tries to change you into their perfect ideal
6. True Love is romantic intimacy and love making, fake love is just sex
7. True Love tries to resolve conflict, fake love tries to prove it is right
8. True Love lets go of hurts, fake love harbors resentment
9. True Love gives you the freedom, fake love is controlling
10. True Love listens, fake love only talks

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships
by Jef Gazley, M.S. LMFT, DCC

1. Each person allows for the individuality of each partner within the relationship.
2. Experiencing both oneness with and separateness from their partner. Other relationships are seen as no threat.
3. Bringing out the best qualities in their partner.
4. Each partner has the ability to accept endings, if necessary.
5. Experiencing openness to change and exploration both in the individual and in the relationship.
6. Inviting growth in their partner.
7. Experiencing true intimacy in the relationship physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.
8. Feeling the freedom to ask honestly for what they want.
9. Being able to experience giving and receiving in the same manner.
10. Not attempting to control or change the other person.
11. Encouraging self-sufficiency of others. Adults don't need each other in a dependent fashion. They simply want to be with each other.
12. Accepting limitations of self and partner.
13. Not attempting to seek unconditional love in relationships. This type of love is really parental love. Parents accept any behavior from a child and will still love and accept them. Adults demand to be treated with dignity in order to stay in a relationship.
14. Able to accept commitment.
15. Each person having a high self-esteem.
16. Trusting the memory of the beloved, enjoying solitude.
17. Expressing feelings spontaneously.
18. Welcoming closeness, risking vulnerability.
19. Able to care with detachment. They don't feel responsible for each other.
20. Affirming equality and personal power of self and their partner.