Researching love

To really write love letters you need to have read some really great love letters.  So, consider this sort of a homework assignment.  This is a list of books and authors I highly recommend.  I have always found great inspiration by going back and rereading them over the years.

"Time Enough For Love" by Robert Heinlein (I don't agree with everything in this book, but he does have some real gems in it that are facts of life and loving.) There are other great Heinlein books too that deal with the subject of love nicely.

"How Do I Love Thee" by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (You can find the poem here  http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/how-do-i-love-thee/
All the books by Leo Buscaglia - you can find an index of his best quotes at http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Buscaglia,_Leo

Watch the movie "Cyrano de Bergerac."  It is a 1950 black & white move based on the 1897 French Alexandrine verse/drama Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmond Rostand It uses poet Brian Hooker's 1923 English blank verse as the basis for its screenplay. The actual verse is interesting too, but can be difficult to read.

After you have watched that movie, watch "Roxanne" starring Steve Martin as a modern day Cyrano.

Another great movie to inspire you for writing love letters is "The Lake House" starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock

Those are just the ones to start with.  Looking online for love poetry will bring you some great and inspiring quotes and ideas as well, but to truly express your love in a letter, you should write from your heart, not what someone else has already written. Which is not to say don't ever use other quotes or words, they can be a place to start your love letter.  Just don't make the entire letter one big quote from someone else. 

Songs are another great source of ideas and inspiration for writing your love letters.  They can also be a way to start a love letter.  Tell the person you love what that song means to you and how you relate to it, how it makes you think of them, what stirs your heart when you hear it.  I am not even going to begin a list of great love songs just yet, there are so many!

Here is my love quote of the day:

The signs of Love
 Should be as clear
  As when you look
   Into a mirror.     
And, as an image,
     Come to you
      Because you're
       Merely being you.

Have you been inspired by a piece of literature, a poem, a song?  Let me know which ones move you!

What Love is and is not

I wish I could take credit for this bit of wisdom, because it really is some of the best advice I have ever seen about love.  It came along to me from a friend of a friend.  Take it to heart.

Signs Of True And Fake Love

1. True Love is always open and honest, even when upset, fake love plays games, hides their feelings and tries to manipulate the emotions of others to gain the upper hand.
2. True Love is self-sacrificing, fake love only wants what it wants
3. True Love gives from the heart, fake love gives because it wants something in return
4. True Love forgives, fake love seeks vengeance
5. True Love appreciates you for who you are, fake love tries to change you into their perfect ideal
6. True Love is romantic intimacy and love making, fake love is just sex
7. True Love tries to resolve conflict, fake love tries to prove it is right
8. True Love lets go of hurts, fake love harbors resentment
9. True Love gives you the freedom, fake love is controlling
10. True Love listens, fake love only talks

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships
by Jef Gazley, M.S. LMFT, DCC

1. Each person allows for the individuality of each partner within the relationship.
2. Experiencing both oneness with and separateness from their partner. Other relationships are seen as no threat.
3. Bringing out the best qualities in their partner.
4. Each partner has the ability to accept endings, if necessary.
5. Experiencing openness to change and exploration both in the individual and in the relationship.
6. Inviting growth in their partner.
7. Experiencing true intimacy in the relationship physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.
8. Feeling the freedom to ask honestly for what they want.
9. Being able to experience giving and receiving in the same manner.
10. Not attempting to control or change the other person.
11. Encouraging self-sufficiency of others. Adults don't need each other in a dependent fashion. They simply want to be with each other.
12. Accepting limitations of self and partner.
13. Not attempting to seek unconditional love in relationships. This type of love is really parental love. Parents accept any behavior from a child and will still love and accept them. Adults demand to be treated with dignity in order to stay in a relationship.
14. Able to accept commitment.
15. Each person having a high self-esteem.
16. Trusting the memory of the beloved, enjoying solitude.
17. Expressing feelings spontaneously.
18. Welcoming closeness, risking vulnerability.
19. Able to care with detachment. They don't feel responsible for each other.
20. Affirming equality and personal power of self and their partner.

Matchmaker Profile Help

I have helped many of my single friends fill out the profiles for any of the many matchmaking websites.  First impressions really do make or break whether someone wants to get to know you further.  If there are spelling and grammar errors, that can reflect poorly on the person that is looking for their soulmate.  I want to help you present yourself in the best possible light, so that your true personality shows, and help make you stand out from the rest of the crowd.  I really do believe there is someone for everyone.  Finding them is really hard for most people. 

I think a lot of people that use the matchmaker services have unrealistic hopes and desires, but that the majority of them are really just searching to find someone to go through life with.  There are key phrases that can attract the kind of person you are looking for and things that can eliminate the people you want to stay away from.  It is all in the wording of a profile and how it is presented.  Telling the truth is paramount though; life is much easier when you don't have to keep a mask in place, when you are able to just be yourself.  Who would want to be in a relationship where you were pretending to be someone your not?  Trust me, lots of people, myself included, have tried that and it doesn't work.  Be loved for who you are!

Love Letter Help

For almost two years I have written a love letter every night to my sweetheart.  Each one is as different as a snowflake and all of them come from the heart.  My mother asked me how I could possible think of something to say, everyday, to the one I love.  Love is like a fountain for me; it is a never ending flow of thoughts of how and what goes on in my mind and life that I like to share with my sweetheart.  Every day is different and each one brings with it different thoughts and experiences. I am not always in the same city as my sweetheart and there are long periods of time when we are unable to be together.  Writing to him every night is as much a journal as it is about our love.  Why not just pick up the phone?  Because both of us have a love for the written word.  It is more permanent and can be pulled back up and savored, over, and over.  Who remembers exactly what was said in a phone conversation? Most of us don't have the capacity to recall more than the gist of the conversation or a sentence or two.  When you write to the one you love you are committing to paper a memory that can be treasured.  The letters I get in return help get me through long days when I miss him terribly and I can go back and reassure myself that yes, he really does love me.  It is there in black and white.

The skill of letter writing has waned as other forms of communication have become available.  Communication is faster and has sped up to a point where simple abbreviations of words can sometimes form the entire exchange of thoughts and ideas.  Taking the time to write a letter is a way to take a deep breath and stop rushing around; take time to write down what is going on in your life and what you are feeling.  It doesn't mean that you need to hunt around for an envelope and postage; you can send it electronically, and it will still be warmly received.  There is something wonderful though about getting a letter in the mail that is very personal, especially when it is hand written.  It shows you care enough, and love the person enough, to take time out of your day and share your life with them.

This blog is going to focus on writing love letters, although all personal letters have many of the same elements, love letters get a special category all their own because they come from the deepest of all human emotions: Love.