Let me state for the record that I am a true believer in romance. Romance is not the same as being in love, but it is the road that paves the way for love. Be creative in your romantic planning. There are so many other things that can be done besides dining, dancing, and going to the movies. Any shared experience can all lead to romance but some of the greatest ones will only cost you your time and effort.
Since I am a female, you get the woman’s point of view on this first. It seems that some men think they have to spend a fortune on romancing a woman and that is nice, but what most women want is to see are romantic gestures that show that the guy is learning to understand her.
Most people want to be respected for who they are and what they believe in. To come to respect those qualities in another person you have to get to know them and understand what motivates them to want to even be in a relationship. Companionship, both physical and mental are the most common ground humans have for being around other people. In general, the human race wants to be around people that make them happy. Finding that happiness can be very elusive for some, downright impossible for others. The real key to finding that deep in the bone, truly happy feeling is to make other people feel happy to be around you. That means looking up and around you and thinking about something that might make them happy.
Not all of us find happiness in the same things, so first you have to decide what makes you happy, then find someone who finds joy, passion, and happiness in the same things. That can take years of soul searching and experience and some people never even realize that is one of the chief things that we are driven to seek out. Who doesn’t want to find things that make them happy? First know what you want out of life, what makes you want to get out of bed in the morning and make you smile.
Do not expect someone else to supply happiness to you. You have to find it for yourself before you will ever be able to seek out people to have a normal, healthy relationship with. We all find happiness in different things; for some it is an enjoyment of doing things, others find it in simply daily living. Not everyone in the world finds something to be passionate about, but seeking out that passion is what life is all about. You need to try new things, meet new people, experience all life has to offer to find passion. Move out of your comfort zone.
Some lucky people are born knowing what makes them happy and find passion early on in life. Others can spend a lifetime sitting on the sidelines never even aware that they haven’t left the starting line. There are people who are too afraid to take all that life offers and never step outside the comfortable box they have placed themselves in. Get out of your box! Never mix up being comfortable with being happy; they are worlds apart. If you have accepted that your lot in life is just being comfortable you will be like a person who is at a feast, but is starving to death. You have to step out of your comfort zone and take chances if you are really going to savor life and find someone to enjoy going down the same road you are. Don’t ever just settle on what you have if it isn’t making you happy. It can be a real struggle to keep on looking and many give up the fight before they even throw a punch. No one ever said living was going to be easy, but it can be worth every bit of effort you put into it to find that golden life we all want of being able to smile, laugh, and love.
There is a line from a song that has always struck me as a very poignant comment on what people want from a relationship. “If you don’t know me by know, you will never, never know me.” People want to share their lives with others, their likes, dislikes, funny past moments, and future dreams. We want someone who is a good listener and remembers how we take our coffee and what a childhood pet meant to them.
In getting to know anyone well you must take in all the trivial remarks, stories, family history, and remember the information, joke about it, cry about it, but most of all, care what it all means to the person you are trying to have a relationship with. It does not mean that someone is asking you to solve past or present problems or be critical about the information; it just needs to be shared. Like birds building a nest, each bit of new information about someone important to you adds another layer and dimension to the foundation of the relationship. There will be material added that is old, new, and shared and it is generally layered in just that manner. First comes the sharing of each others past lives, then the more current matters and cares are added in. Finally, there will be the soft downy place of shared experiences that will be what you both see and feel at the same time. To get to that final wonderful, cozy, warm, and fuzzy place in a relationship you must first have something to build on.
Relationships happen so much faster now than they have in the past; people are in a hurry to get to the soft, loving place that the foundation is not always laid very sturdy, if at all. It is hard to rush a relationship if it is really going to stand up to the heavy winds that can so easily tear a nest apart. Time and effort on both people’s parts are needed to cement a life time of love. There must be a real and honest commitment to take the time to find out everything you can about someone special to you. If you try and rush past this step you will be missing out on some of the genuine glue that binds people together.
None of the information you gather as you get to know someone should ever be used as fodder for fueling future fights. It is hard to open up to someone else and share past histories, mistakes, and experiences. You have to trust that the information you exchange is done so in a trusting and honorable manner. If you can’t trust someone completely and learn how to earn someone’s trust you stand a very poor chance of ever being able to truly, deeply love someone.
There are so many life altering experiences a person can have that will effect how they are able to learn to love, trust, and truly find happiness in being around another person. Scars of past relationships will find a way of damaging the future relationships unless they are appropriately dealt with. Learning how to trust someone if they have ever been burned in a relationship can become impossible for some people to move past. They become frozen in a vicious circle of being unable to look forward, forever looking back and questioning what might have, or could have, or should have happened.
We all need to learn from our past mistakes and move on, avoiding the same pitfalls in the future. If you can’t learn from your past how are you to avoid falling into the same holes? Like the driver that goes down the same road everyday, avoiding the potholes he knows are there, you need to remember where the potholes are in your life and avoid them the next time. How many times does it take until you remember to avoid those holes, steer around them, or just go down a different road? Some people are faster learners than others and some people never seem to remember, or care, that those holes are even there; they just drive faster, trying to fly past them. Those holes can swallow up entire lives.
The women I know want someone they can carry on a conversation with. They want the gentleman to show in small ways that he loves and appreciates all the woman has done for him. People seem to get caught up in buying expensive toys and big ticket items for their magnificent romantic gestures. When it comes to buying gifts what most woman want are little things they have been looking for a long time; a matching scarf, a kitchen utensil, some silly toy, or a book. Women want to feel like they are worthy of a man’s time and effort to get to really know them.
I received a beautiful necklace when the gentleman I was dating took a sword he had just won and traded it for the necklace I had casually mentioned as being pretty. Another gentleman wooed me with music, learning my favorite songs and playing them for me over and over. My favorite though has to be the gentleman I told I loved surprises. His thoughtful gestures were well thought out and planned, and they never failed to make my heart beat faster. He drove me long distances, out of state, to take me to places that have been divinely made to be some of the most romantic places on the earth. Poetry and simple love letters can certainly charm a lady. True letters of love share your life with another and are lasting reminders of where you began to love someone. They cost so little and mean so very much.
